Monday, October 27, 2008
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for at least 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did last year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his / her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others'.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive every one for every thing.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. GOD heals everything.
28. However good or bad a situation is -- it will change.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Friends will. Stay in touch. . .
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing !
35. Call your family often.
36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
37. Each day give something good to others.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
40. LOVE YOURSELF.... ....
Sunday, October 26, 2008
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough .
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy .
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative, he is proactive.
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF
AWOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY.I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
And last but not least:
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
Friday, October 24, 2008
Phone conversations last 30 seconds
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own jars
Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight
When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go
You can go to the bathroom alone
Your last name stays put
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade
You can kill your own food
The garage is all yours
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
You never have to clean the toilet
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
Wedding plans take care of themselves
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend
Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
You don't have to shave below your neck
You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
If you're 34 and single, no one notices
Chocolate is just another snack
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
Flowers fix everything (or duct tape)
You never have to worry about other's feelings
Three pair of shoes are more than enough
You can say anything and not worry about what people think
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
Car mechanics tell you the truth
You don't give a fuck if someone doesn't notice your new haircut
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me"
One mood, all the time
You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him
Same work........more pay
Gray hair and wrinkles add character
Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks
You don't care if someone is talking behind your back
You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's
If you retain water, it is in a canteen
The remote is yours and yours alone
You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny
Thursday, October 23, 2008
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food'meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Student: (to himself) yeh kya question hai? then he says: madam the answer is 80 ltrs.
Teacher: u are right. tumhe kaise pata?
Student: kyuki hamare ghar pe aaj aaloo ki subzee bani thi.
He told "I have forgotten to bring the Flat Key".
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
1. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
2. The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
3. The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
4. The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time?"
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Go to the ends of the Earth for her.
- How to IMPRESS a MAN -
JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE'S YOURS
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes upto her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich.Marry him." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to herand pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?" That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are veryrich.." That's! Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband That's Demand and supply gap.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife! That's competition eating into your market share.
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded, and in a booming voice the Lord said,
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me, I will grant you one wish".
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormity of the undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it will take! It will nearly exhaust all the natural resources. It is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me".
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said,
"Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. How she feels inside, what she's thinking when she's silent? Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how to make her truly happy".
The Lord replied, "You want four lanes or six on that bridge.
Dhoti with a zip.
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering black visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active laziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopt a child.
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a black paper Xeroxed.
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
What does he think??
--"HAT, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels.
What does he think????????
--"Ispe giru, ya uspe????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the
road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
--"Aj ghar late aaoonga!!"
20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).
19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important stuffs:-
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
And The Ultimate One:-
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US/canada ...." or "When I was in US/canada..."