Cheeky Quote
Monday, October 27, 2008
40 Tips for a better life ...
1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for at least 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did last year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his / her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others'.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive every one for every thing.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. GOD heals everything.
28. However good or bad a situation is -- it will change.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Friends will. Stay in touch. . .
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing !
35. Call your family often.
36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
37. Each day give something good to others.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
40. LOVE YOURSELF.... ....
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for at least 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did last year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his / her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others'.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive every one for every thing.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. GOD heals everything.
28. However good or bad a situation is -- it will change.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Friends will. Stay in touch. . .
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing !
35. Call your family often.
36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
37. Each day give something good to others.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
40. LOVE YOURSELF.... ....
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Me and my Boss ...
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough .
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy .
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative, he is proactive.
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Women's vocabulary ...
Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF
AWOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY.I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
And last but not least:
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF
AWOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY.I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
And last but not least:
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
Friday, October 24, 2008
Why men are better ...
Phone conversations last 30 seconds You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase Bathroom lines are 80% shorter You can open all your own jars Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go You can go to the bathroom alone Your last name stays put You can leave a hotel room bed unmade You can kill your own food The garage is all yours You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment" You never have to clean the toilet You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes Wedding plans take care of themselves If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3 None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry You don't have to shave below your neck You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night If you're 34 and single, no one notices Chocolate is just another snack You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat Flowers fix everything (or duct tape) You never have to worry about other's feelings Three pair of shoes are more than enough You can say anything and not worry about what people think You can whip your shirt off on a hot day Car mechanics tell you the truth You don't give a fuck if someone doesn't notice your new haircut You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me" One mood, all the time You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him Same work........more pay Gray hair and wrinkles add character Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks You don't care if someone is talking behind your back You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's If you retain water, it is in a canteen The remote is yours and yours alone You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny |
Thursday, October 23, 2008
India - Vision 2020
Year : 2020
Place: Two Americans at IBM, USA.
Currency Conversion Rate: Rs. 1/- = $ 100/-.
Alex : Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?
John : Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.
Alex : Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.
John : Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex : How long it took to get it stamped?
John : Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. Thats why it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.
Alex : Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA
John : Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.
Alex : So, when are you leaving?
John : Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.
Alex : How long are you going to stay in India.
John : What do you mean by how long. I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta.
Alex : Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India.
John : Yeah, thats why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.
Alex : But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Mumbai.
John : But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.
Alex : Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?
John : Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation.
Alex : I see, that's too much for US people, Rs. 1/- = $ 100/-. Oh God! What about in Chennai, Mumbai?
John : No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of Software.
Alex : I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.
John : You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs. 7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.200000/- but has got a sexy design.
Alex : By the way, who is you are client?
John : Reddy and Naidu Associates, a pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software.
Alex : Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most livable place in India, probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system.
John : Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also follows their footsteps.
Alex : How are you going to cope with their language?
John : Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.
Alex : So, you are going to have fun there.
John : Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, and all. Esselworld is also near to Bollywood.
Alex : You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas.
John : That's true. Last month, Narayanamurthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Hyderabad.Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person.
Alex : But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy' s Infosys.
John : He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.
Alex : OK, Good Luck John.
John : Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a Kurta Pyjama because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say "Namaste, aap kaise hai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way
Presence of mind
Its Presence of mind and the right answer at right time that matters!!
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )
Q. Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.
Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in to reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!
"Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind"
Global food shortage ...
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked
was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food'meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Memory Aid ...
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other," Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"
Bhola in USA ...
A patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to Bhola's window.
"Good afternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon officer, any problems?"
"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00."
Bhola lets out a big sigh of relief: "Oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license."
Awkward silence, then his wife sitting in the passenger seat goes, "Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been drinking."
His Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat, "Aye aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?"
At this time his trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the border yet?"
Innocence !!! ???
As the thief was leaving the house, kid woke up & said:
"mera schoolbag bhi le ja KAMINE warna mummy ko jaga dunga"
*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write krishna a letter.
**************
Letter 1
Dear krishna, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over.
**************
Letter 2
Dear krishna,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like A red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**************
Letter 3
Dear krishna,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to krishna either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**************
Letter 4
krishna,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the radha.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to krishna.
**************
Letter 5
krishna,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE...!!
Kitna Pani ???
Teacher: 2 aur 2 char hote hai to yeah batao ki mere ghar ki tanki me kitna pani?
Student: (to himself) yeh kya question hai? then he says: madam the answer is 80 ltrs.
Teacher: u are right. tumhe kaise pata?
Student: kyuki hamare ghar pe aaj aaloo ki subzee bani thi.
Student: (to himself) yeh kya question hai? then he says: madam the answer is 80 ltrs.
Teacher: u are right. tumhe kaise pata?
Student: kyuki hamare ghar pe aaj aaloo ki subzee bani thi.
Very Very Sad Story ...
Three friends were working in a same office & lived in a same flat which was in the 110th floor in New York City. One day while they were returning from their office the lift was not working. So they decided to climb by foot to their 110th floor. To pass the time & not get bored they agreed to tell some story, that 1st person should tell a story above a war, 2nd person a romance & 3rd person a very very sad story. First person told about US & Vietnam war they reached 50th floor, Second person completed his romance story when they reached 109th floor. Now it'sturn for the third person to tell a very very sad story...
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He told "I have forgotten to bring the Flat Key".
Food as medicine ...
HEADACHE? EAT FISH! Eat plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent headaches. So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain. (Stay away from a lot of bottom feeding fish that are high in mercury content)
HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT! Eat lots of yogurt before pollen season. Also-eat honey from your area (local region) daily.
TO PREVENT STROKE.. DRINK TEA! Prevent buildup of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea. (Actually, tea suppresses my appetite and keeps the pounds from invading... Green tea is great for our immune system!)
INSOMNIA... CAN'T SLEEP? HONEY! Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.
ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS! Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (When I was young, my mother would make onion packs to place on our chest, helped the respiratory ailments and actually made us breathe better).
ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!! Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis. (Fish has omega oils, good for our immune system.)
UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS-GINGER!!!!! Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.
BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!! High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.
BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!! Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.
MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS! Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.
COLDS? EAT GARLIC! Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)
COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!! A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.
BREAST CANCER? EAT Wheat, bran and cabbage Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels.
LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND VEGGI! ES!!! A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.
ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!! Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.
DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES! Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment.)
CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO! Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL! Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.
BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS! The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.
Train trough a tunnel ...
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita . They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
1. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
2. The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
3. The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
4. The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time?"
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
1. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
2. The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
3. The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
4. The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time?"
How to impress women & men ...
To IMPRESS a WOMAN
Compliment her
Respect her
Honor her,
Cuddle her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Go to the ends of the Earth for her.
- How to IMPRESS a MAN -
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JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE'S YOURS
Compliment her
Respect her
Honor her,
Cuddle her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Go to the ends of the Earth for her.
- How to IMPRESS a MAN -
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JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE'S YOURS
Marketing Styles ...
A Professor at IIM A was explaining marketing concepts: You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes upto her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich.Marry him." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to herand pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?" That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are veryrich.." That's! Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband That's Demand and supply gap.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife! That's competition eating into your market share.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes upto her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich.Marry him." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to herand pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?" That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are veryrich.." That's! Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband That's Demand and supply gap.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife! That's competition eating into your market share.
Even God can not do this ...
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded, and in a booming voice the Lord said,
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me, I will grant you one wish".
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormity of the undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it will take! It will nearly exhaust all the natural resources. It is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me".
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said,
"Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. How she feels inside, what she's thinking when she's silent? Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how to make her truly happy".
The Lord replied, "You want four lanes or six on that bridge.
Heights !!!
1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip.
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering black visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active laziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopt a child.
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a black paper Xeroxed.
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
Dhoti with a zip.
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering black visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active laziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopt a child.
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a black paper Xeroxed.
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
Can you read this ???
Olny srmat poelpe can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Late from Office ...
A sardar is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel.
What does he think??
--"HAT, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels.
What does he think????????
--"Ispe giru, ya uspe????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the
road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
--"Aj ghar late aaoonga!!"
What does he think??
--"HAT, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels.
What does he think????????
--"Ispe giru, ya uspe????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the
road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
--"Aj ghar late aaoonga!!"
Foriegn Returned Desi ...
21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.
20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).
19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important stuffs:-
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
And The Ultimate One:-
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US/canada ...." or "When I was in US/canada..."
20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).
19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important stuffs:-
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
And The Ultimate One:-
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US/canada ...." or "When I was in US/canada..."
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